Whose fault is it anyway?

Trying to lose weight without success.

Having to fight off depression and anxiety every day.

Inability to bond with a parent, and feeling guilty that you’re not a better son or daughter.

Having difficulty finding a meaningful and decently-paying job after being out of the workforce.

Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner who doesn’t get you and who refuses to acknowledge the challenges you’re facing.

It’s not easy when you feel you are battling alone with no allies, no resources, and no support.

It’s no one’s fault, so don’t waste time and energy berating yourself for past mistakes or feeling unnecessarily guilty.

Focus on who you are now, and how far you have come.

Focus on what the world and the people you love and care for need from you – your intelligence, your resourcefulness, your voice, your integrity, your life experience.

Focus on where you can make a difference NOW.

I spent decades feeling a ridiculous amount of guilt and resentment for old incidents that now I can barely remember (thank God!).

Why was I not the “good” child / grandchild who made my family proud and happy and surpassed all their expectations, why didn’t I try harder to have a relationship with my absent father before he passed, that time I reacted out of character to something someone said and the subsequent rift …

Instead of fault-finding (which saps your energy and self-worth, and helps no one because you can’t change what’s happened), do this instead.

  • Be kind to yourself.
    Do what you can each day, and give yourself permission to smile and say “This is enough”.
  • Celebrate every accomplishment.

    Even if it’s something as “small” as getting out of bed and having a shower – or saying no for the first time ever.

    Don’t wait for dramatic improvements and huge achievements (graduated from Law School at 90, started running marathons at 72) to be proud of yourself.
  • Stretch the timeline.

    You don’t have to get it all done in one year.

    Maybe your timeline is meant to be gentler – how about 5 years?

    Taking longer doesn’t make you a failure – you will still get there, just in a way that makes sense to you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – and that doesn’t burn you out prematurely.
  • Decide to do better.

    We are works in progress. That means we can improve.

    Keep investing in your personal growth and surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people.

    Keep learning from the best.

    Keep aiming high and growing daily, monthly, and yearly into your own best version of you.

You can’t change your history, but you can change your future by refusing to let past mistakes and failings define you.

It’s not over yet.

The Best Is Yet To Be.

Serena Low