From my years of working with introverts, there are four areas where introverts consistently say they feel invisible, unappreciated, or internally conflicted.
The Quiet Achiever in an extroverted workplace:
You are that solid and reliable team member, a quiet achiever who says little in meetings. Perceived as reticent, reserved, sometimes socially awkward and aloof, especially to those who don’t know you well.
You are passive in advocating for yourself, naively trusting that actions speak louder than words, and people should be able to see your good work without you having to talk about it (because talking about your accomplishments feels like bragging, which goes against your value of humility).
- Being talked over by louder voices during meetings and discussions.
- Being perceived as a good worker rather than a leader or influencer.
- Being labelled as reserved, “too quiet”, not having much to say.
- Feeling unseen and under-appreciated.
The Creative who can’t launch
You have an idea or vision that you care deeply about and want to turn into reality, but you struggle to make it happen because of internal roadblocks and resistance.
You are great at coming up with inspired ideas for writing the book, creating the online course, launching the business, but you never get to the finished product, due to several reasons: a lack of focus, discipline, systems, self-belief, and your steadfast refusal to do things you dislike.
Ex: you believe that sales is sleazy and marketing is another word for manipulation, so you refuse to do either, which means no one gets to hear about your wonderful idea (or your business), and no one can buy from you or work with you.
To avoid the hard or uncomfortable work, you procrastinate, overthink, doubt your abilities, and go on endless quests for more information and more qualifications, because if only you know one more thing or gain one more certificate, you will finally know enough to succeed.
You get no results from the action you fail to take.
When you don’t get results, you tell yourself:
- Who am I to do this bold, crazy, risky thing?
- It works for other people but not for me.
- I am not smart or savvy enough.
- I am not good at marketing and self-promotion.
- Maybe next year, or when I have more knowledge.
The Professional Migrant Woman experiencing identity crisis
Having left behind a successful professional career and a network of friendships and connections in your home country, you are starting over again on many levels.
Being married with children means added home responsibilities and increased financial obligations.
You are more tired, have less time to yourself, and have come close to burnout and fatigue from constantly sacrificing your health and wellbeing for others or work.
While you help your partner and children integrate quickly into the new environment, you have put your own career on hold.
Then when you are ready to re-enter the workforce, you discover to your mortification that it’s not so easy to resume your career where you left off.
Because the system is different in your adoptive country, you have to prove your professional worth all over again, going through the process to gain recognition of your prior qualifications, or going back to uni.
This means more studying, more debt, less time for family and yourself, at an age where you’re not as energetic as you were in your twenties.
Trying to work out —
- who you were with your cultural upbringing, complex emotional baggage, and former professional identity,
- who you are now as a migrant woman starting over in a new country,
- who you could be and what might be possible, if you choose to fully express yourself,
- how to navigate the transition into your new personal and professional identity while grieving what you are leaving behind.
The Asian “good girl” conflicted by her upbringing
Culturally, you grew up in a conservative Asian family where your individual needs and preferences came second to the collective needs of the family. You excelled at complying with social and family values, expectations, and norms and were the classic Good Girl. Pleasing others is second nature. Speaking up for yourself and asking for what you want is alien to you. As an introvert, you feel guilty and apologetic even when you are right to speak up, and when your needs and wellbeing are at stake.
Now that you are in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, how is this sitting with you?
- Your chronic people pleasing is allowing others to take advantage of you.
- Your lack of boundaries and avoidance of conflict are costing your personal peace.
- You realize that the authority figures of your early years were projecting their own insecurities and traumas, even if they had good intentions.
The past is not your fault, but the present and future are your responsibility.
You now get to choose new ways to thrive and flourish.
Will you allow yourself to heal your trauma and create a new future for yourself?
Where to from here?
What you are looking for is a pathway home to your truest and highest self.
One that sits well with your head, heart and spirit,
is sustainable and honest,
and that allows you to be yourself fully and freely.
It is freedom and peace of mind you seek.
The pathway home begins with a conversation. Schedule yours here.