When we look in the mirror and see ourselves (especially first thing in the morning), how do we react?

“Ugh! Look at those wrinkles under my eyes. Is that a new grey hair? Oh no, I look so old!” (Hurries to find anti-ageing serum and hair dye.)

Or you could do it the Mel Robbins way, and give your reflection a high five every time you walk past the mirror. (I did this during the pandemic lockdowns; it was a lifesaver.)

Personally, I much prefer the latter.

My favourite strategy to instantly boost self-love is to blow my mirror self a kiss, give her a big smile, and say “I love you, I like you, I see you!”

That’s a far cry from how I grew up, but it’s how I’m teaching myself to be: a more self-loving and self-compassionate version of me who likes and appreciates myself just as I am, and delights in my own company and interests.

When I think of how many decades I wasted – through childhood, adolescence, and right into my 30’s – adapting and contorting myself to behave in ways that would guarantee praise and validation from others, I grieve.

I grieve for that girl, that young woman, who didn’t love herself enough, who had such low self-esteem she kept trying to earn her way to worthiness by believing and doing everything she was told, even when it didn’t sit right with her soul.

Be a good girl.

Obey the rules and the authorities.

Stick to the path and don’t upset the status quo.

Don’t ask so many questions. Just do what you’re told.

Don’t do things that could make you lose money or face.

I’m not waiting for someone else to boost my self-confidence or self-esteem, anymore.

In this new season of being a perimenopausal introvert over 50, I choose to like, love, and appreciate myself, first.

I take responsibility for who I am and who I’m becoming.

I take responsibility for my choices and their consequences.

I take responsibility for regulating my emotions and honouring my needs.