I had a most inspiring virtual coffee this week with a new LinkedIn connection, and this phrase – “hooked on external validation” – came up in our conversation.

Is this you?

You constantly need something outside of yourself (e.g. other people, size of email list, number of social media followers) to back you up, to feel seen, to feel successful or worthy, to confirm that you are on the “right” track.

You struggle to back yourself and to trust your own judgment.

You struggle to tune in to your own inner wisdom and intuition.

You’ve got impostor syndrome.

You’ve got Good Girl syndrome.

You grew up in an environment that discouraged self-expression, and felt stifled, talked over, dominated, judged, or were not given space to be yourself safely.

Being hooked on external validation is a sign that we’ve lost connection with ourselves at a deeper level.

We no longer know who we are or what we stand for.

We are hostage to the whims and fancies of louder voices, stronger personalities, and whatever the dominant culture decides.

Until we are able to reclaim our sacred connection to self, and to value, accept, and love ourselves unconditionally, not because of what we have achieved but simply because we exist, we will always be caught up in the vicious cycle of “not good enough”.